In my 1,2,3, program, we focus on time outs. Time out's are NOT punishment. A time out is simply givnig the child his/her own space to relax and gain control of a situation they are choosing to act out negatively on.

Children are not "bad" and a time out is simply a way to help a child regain control and have his/her space so they can come back and try again.

If you look at time out as a punishment and you discipline the child, then they are going to "act out" in time out. It will turn into an "act out time" instead of a "time out" time and you will go to war with your child!

The basic principles with time outs are setting boundaries. It is not to punish the child it is to show that their behavior is not acceptable in the home and that you are the parent so your rules need to apply. It is all about you getting control of the situation.

So here is what I teach in my program ( the basics of course)

Your child is acting out, not minding or doing what he/she has been asked. Maybe hitting, throwing things, screaming and just out of control.

The first thing you do, is take a deep breath and remain calm. You will get down to your childs level, look him/her in the eye, and explain that the way they are behaving is NOT okay and won't be accepted. You tell your child this is your first warning. Please be good. Get up and walk away.

If your child continues, you do step 1 again, but at the end, before you walk away, you will add, this is your second warning and if I have to ask you to behave one more time, you will sit in a time out.

Here is the deal breaker!!! Your child is still mis-behaving, so you know that he/she needs to have a time out. What is your next step? To put them in time out right? BUT, how are you going to do that? This is where ALL my moms and dads make their mistake. Pay close attention to this next step.

So this is the third time your child is acting out after you have already asked him/her two times to change their behavior. So what you do now is crucial to this entire process being successful!

You will go over to your child, take him/her by the hand, feet, however you need to get them to time out (not the hair of course moms, keep your cool!)

You will put them in time out that is away from everyone else. They should be visable but not in the same room as all the action. You will say, you are going to sit here for 5 minutes quietly and when the buzzer goes off you can get up. Giving your child is 5. It is 1 minute for each age. If your child is 10, they get 10 minutes, if your child is 6, they get 6 minutes and so on.

So you told your child they have 5 minutes quietly in time for not listening. Now you set a timer (on the stove or whichever) and walk away.

So lets recap. Notice that I did not mention any discussion for the third warning. This is because you don't need to tell them you are putting them in time out because you already told them on the second warning that if you had to speak to him/her again, that you will put him/her in a time out. So that has already been established.

The key to getting their attention and ensuring this process works, you do NOT speak on the third warning. You do NOT open things up for negotiation or argument. You will loose control of the situation and your child will gain control if you do not follow this program.

Now, most of you probably have a child who will refuse to sit tight, right? So here is the next crucial step.

Your child gets up from time out before the buzzer goes off. Now remember, DO NOT speak to your child while in time out. If he/she is throwing a fit and screaming, as long as they are in time out, it does not matter! Leave them alone!

So you go to your child, get them back in time out (sometimes this will be a kicking and screaming fit, but you do not talk) just put them back in time out, and repeat, I am putting you in time out because you are not following the rules and are behaving badly, when the buzzer goes off, you can get up.

Set the timer walk away! Now, most kids will scream and argue when you are trying to tell them this. Get to their level, say it and walk away. Trust me, they hear you they just don't want to listen to you. Do not grab them and make them look at you, do not tell them to stop screaming and look at you and do not repeat yourself. You will NOT get control this way! They will!

You will repeat this step as long as it takes! Yes, as long as it takes. I have parents who have had to put them back in time out and set the timer over and over and over again, but when the child finally understood that they are not going to win this battle, they stop. They want to get out and when they know that you won't give in no matter how much they push your buttons, they will stop. They might have a little attitude or rotton look on their face, but they will stop.

Okay, so what do you do once the timer goes off and your child is still sitting in time out? Here is another crucial part. You get down to your childs level, make sure they are looking at you, tell them why you put them in time out, in a calm voice. If your child is old enough, you can ask them why you put them in time out and have them answer. Then you want to tell them you love them, give them a hug and let them go play. DO NOT start disciplining, saying what will happen if they do that again, ask them if they are going to be good, etc, etc. NO coversation! It is a simply clarity that they understand why they were in time out and that you love them!!!! That is it!

You repeat every bit of this every time for every situation. If you mess one part of it up or loose control just one time, you will have to start all over as it won't work any more. Stay consistent and keep your calm. You will gain control and it will get easier each time you do it.

I always recommend that my moms use a chair or a corner for time outs. You can have your child stand facing the corner, sitting, however you want. BUT, do not say, "your going to stand in this corner with your face in the wall"!! No explanations!

Good luck!

Coach Ann
"Join me and my moms on my weekly coaching tele-seminars, just message me to find out how"!