I’m considering telling a friend I think she has an alcohol problem. Problem is, I don’t know how to approach it or what to say. If she doesn’t drink, she’s irritable. When she does drink, she’s terrifying. I almost want to end the friendship due to it. Help!

    

You have to approach her with concern and love. Really it isn’t something to be avoided. Even if it comes down to it is her decision to get help, the bottom line is maybe you confronting her could help. While it may not seem helpful if the friendship suffers for it initially, it may be worth it to lose a friend and save a life.

Point out to her the things you see in her alcoholism as being destructive in her life. Has she let her health go, has she lost other friends, is her career suffering, is she a danger to herself and others? If so tell her, then ask her if she would like help finding resources to work on the problem.

All I can think about is the women who drove the wrong way on the expressway in NYC/NJ and killed 8 people (herself included). Alcoholism is very destructive physically and emotionally for both the abuser and those around them. Unfortunately, trying to save the friendship over helping may prove enabling to her. As much as it hurts you, you need tough love and you also need to move on if she doesn’t seek help because it can be as destructive to you as it is to her if she is a close friend.

Starbirdy66, the story of the NJ woman bothered me very much also. Esper_d, I would suggest planning an intervention for your friend. Maybe if she hears how her alcohol problem has affected her friendships and relationships with family members, she will consider a rehabilitation program. I wish you the best of luck.